Regulation Regurgitation

This morning, I had to suddenly make a trip to the bathroom, and let’s just say it was not a joyful experience. My nose was stuffed (a blessing in disguise, perhaps?), my gullet ached, and I was in for a surprise when I went to flush the toilet.

It was not a pretty sight… In fact, it reminded me of the sea of red tape that the government entangles businesses and consumers in; red tape born of greed and the government’s need to control everything. They tell us that all of these regulations are for our own good. But I say that’s a load of crap.

My tale of woe begins with my lifelong battle against sinus headaches and heavy congestion. I have tried every medicine – and even surgery – to relieve the pressure, but nothing works except for one drug: pseudoephedrine. Unfortunately, it’s a pain in the you-know-what to get a supply of the stuff, thanks to the  Combat Methamphetamine Epidemic Act of 2005. When the government officials prosecuting the failed war on drugs discovered that Meth could be manufactured from pseudoephedrine, it was moved from the convenience store floor, placed behind the pharmacy counter, required an ID to buy, and a limit was placed on the amount that could be purchased. Gone were the days of walking into Walmart and buying a year’s supply of the generic version on sale. Instead, pseudoephedrine quickly went up in price, generic versions began disappearing, and it had to be purchased on a monthly basis. My lifesaver went from readily available to requiring a digital frisking every 30 days. Plus, I would often find myself running out. And, as the most recent report shows, Meth labs were unaffected by the law. I was in pain – both in my sinuses and my wallet – but the Meth dealers just kept on making the stuff – and probably not suffering from sinus headaches like I do!

So that’s why I couldn’t breath. But what about the stomach ache, where did that come from? Well, I’m only speculating here, but I think the blame belongs to the fish. We are salmon eaters in our house. We love the stuff. The problem is, these days we’re never sure if what we’re purchasing is salmon. It’s labelled “salmon” but that’s all the label says. It’s all that the label is allowed to say. You see, we live in interesting scientific times – and science has allowed us to genetically modify our foods, supposedly so that they grow faster, better, and stronger than they were. Kind of like the Six-Million Dollar Man. But while companies such as Monsanto are playing Frankenstein with our food, we are kept in the dark. You see, that’s because it’s illegal for farmers who are producing food the way God does to actually put on their label “Non-GMO.” You might want to know what you’re eating, but the government does not think you need that information. Not as long as that GMO industry money is rolling in. Or while the voters in California are getting bamboozled into outlawing labeling food as GMO. Those wacky Californians… what are we going to do with them?

Which leads us to the toilet. The low-flow, 1.6-gallon limited, flushes with the force of an infant trying to roll over toilets that public buildings are forced to use. The supposedly better for the environment equivalent of me trying to breath without pseudoephedrine toilet. Except, they are not better for the environment, as a mountain of sludge in the San Francisco sewer system proved. And they are also useless when it comes to a GMO-induced trip to Archie Bunker’s Library.

Ahh, regulations… The unelected bureaucrat’s job-for-life guarantee. The incumbent politician’s gravy-train. Sure, there are situations where life can be made better, industry more efficient, and people more safe by using our common sense, innovation, and pioneering spirit to tweak a product. But do we really need a law on how forceful a toilet flush can be? Or put a needed medicine behind a wall of red tape to the point where it is becoming an endangered species? Are we really a bunch of sheep who will eat whatever is put in front of us without knowing what is in it? Reminds me of Soylent Green. And we all know what Charlton Heston discovered at the end of that movie…